In
society, CONFORMITY
generally, is the rule
– DEFIANCE
of any sort more often than not, leads to judgment and labeling
(“rebel”, “disgrace”, “bitch”, “addict”, “black
sheep”
etc.) of
individuals.
Let
me go deeper into the topic about the tag “BLACK
SHEEP”
.
When
we read or heard about the word “black sheep” before, we
immediately referred to it as “a
good for nothing

family member (a
problem/ rebellious child – one who disrespects and dishonors
his/her family, and one who generally has no direction in life).
Nowadays,
the “black sheep” tag has already evolved and does not
automatically refer to a “problem child”. The word now, could
mean a less successful son or daughter (in terms of fortune, job or
status) among successful siblings, or someone who simply cannot meet
the parents’ expectations (of success).
Reality
however, points out that parents/ family play a big role in raising a
so called “black sheep.”
Parents
sometimes, unknowingly, play “favorites” among their children or
do some acts that somewhat damage the psychological well-being of the
child. Such unintentional/ supposedly “innocent misdeeds” from
parents (or any significant figure within the family) creates
jealousy, resentments, and defiant behaviors among affected children.

I
have personally seen how everyone, would do a lot of crazy antics
just to get my attention (from spilling
water without any reason, to removing plugs, to shouting). This, I
have to address, to ensure that sufficient attention is given and
that I raise in an environment of love and
respect.
The
problem with some parents sometimes, is that, instead of being
patient in trying to understand such defiant behavior to help the
child, they immediately result to tagging him/ her as the family’s
“black sheep.”
So
what should you do if you are unfortunately tagged as the family’s
“black sheep”?
Open
Up to your Family
If
you think your family played a great part in your present behavior or
status, now is the time to finally open up and let them know how you
feel. Tell them that you really hated how you often heard them
telling friends that you are the family’s black sheep (although in
a joking manner—jokes are sometimes half meant). Listen to what
they have to say and consider. Figure out if there was no real malice
to put you down or hurt you, but only sincere intention to push you
to be better (well you have to tell them that such type of pushing
doesn’t work for you and only damages your self-confidence).
Also
acknowledge that you also have hurt your family. Forgive each other,
move on, and strive to build a more open and healthier relationship.
Let
Go of Resentments/ Pains
If
such tag and treatment has damaged you for the longest time, it’s
time to let go of such resentments and pains. Come to terms with all
your negative emotions, forgive yourself and others — get up and
move forward.
Start
Knowing and Accepting yourself
Know
yourself (what you really like, what you can do and what makes you
happy) and accept your limitations. Never compare yourself to your
siblings or other members of your family. Never measure success in
the standards often set (each individual has his own happiness) as
you will only be frustrated. What you can do is to discover what you
are good at, have your passion and pursue it – passion coupled with
hard work will bring you to places.
Engage
in Productive Activities and be with Positive People
You
should start evaluating your past actions and start knowing what you
really want in life. Do positive activities that will help you feel
good and improve your self-worth. Surround yourself with people who
can influence/ inspire you to be better, if not the best (choose
good, positive friends).
Tagging
someone as the family’s “Black Sheep” has proven to be more
damaging than helpful. Families should be aware of this – parents
primary duty is help their children overcome their fears and
encourage them to be better without resulting to bullying! Also never
compare your children – love them anyway, even if they fell short
of your expectations.

Comments

  1. So true. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and reevaluate just what the behavior is arising from, such as you say. Also, it’s easy to put a label on someone that they find difficult to outgrow or to prove isn’t the case. People do change as they age, and they may behave differently in different situations, and with their families vs. others. If you put someone into a niche and expect that they will stay there, you can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, “You are this way and you will never change” becomes a stigma and the person acts just the way you told them to. Be more open-minded, just like the article says.

  2. The role we played as children and young adults in our families contributed immensely to our present self of self-worth, feelings of social approval, and our psychological and emotional well-being at large.

    1. Thank you very much sweet mommas. I have been in such situation before some five years back. I am regretting I did’t see this article then. Sincerely, it’s devastating to be a black sheep. Sometimes I use to have very low self esteem.

  3. In my family I’m consisted the black sheep. It was tough, but eventually I was able to accept myself, as is suggested in the article. It also taught me to work against adversity and never give up! Thanks for the inspiration and strength you provide with this article! Great job!

  4. The particular quick response will be you could by no means modify just how any person can feel concerning an individual except if they may be ready to hear in order to comprehend as opposed to determining. The thing is, a lot of people simply hear in order to determine and also help you on what to be able to enjoy life exactly as they will carry out. Thus, right after many years regarding wanting to you should my children and also experience just like the African American lamb, My partner and I noticed I must say I failed to just like these and also pondered exactly why My partner and I has been folding above back for many who failed to just like myself both.

  5. Change before it’s too late. That’s the best thing you can do if you think that you are bad. This article helps us understand why there are children who are tagged as a ‘blacksheep’ or better known as the problem child. Many of them become rebellious and drug addicts. But why? In this article, many questions will be answered.

  6. I would say that if your parents say that you are the black sheep of the family, try to get your independence, I know that is not an easy task but for me, it is the right attitude. So I am not quite convinced of what I have just read.

  7. Many a times, some conditions in our environments, forces us to conform as a black sheep rather than being transformed into a resourceful being. Based on the up-growing formative stages, that’s where the tag #black sheep comes into contact with reality. What I would do if I was the black sheep in the family is to first of all, observe, reflect, before acting on any action and secondly i will move out from conflict into confidence so as to be relevant in whatever situation that surrounds me.

  8. There are lot to learn from this article either as a black ship or as the parents. The parents tend not to understand this type of children and think giving them more attention will help not knowing they lower the child’s self esteem and at the end of the day they feel they aren’t equal to the members of the society.

  9. There is a reason why a child becomes a blacksheep. Parents should give time to their children if they want to lead them towards the right path. A child should also realize that if they continue with their wrongdoings, they are just wasting their time. Read this article and it will definitely help make your life better.

  10. This is true! I was the ‘blacksheep’ myself in my family and this article described well what being a ‘blacksheep’ means. I think it’s better to look at ourselves and see what we are becoming. It is important to change bad habits early so it is not harder to change it.

  11. Remember, if you’re the black sheep, it means you’re different, and if you’re different, it means you’re special, and if you’re special, it means you’re going to do something either very good, or very bad. Just remember this fact, the black sheep produces a peculiar wool, no need to dye.

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